The Maiden Aunts' Swansong
Going
up and down the motorway for two long years and more
We
have to say now we've gone grey, with wrinkles round our jaw
The
time has finally come for us (now bed sores have gone raw)
To
hang our GB paddles up and become an old age bore...
Because
we're Ethel, Edna and Enid, too old to paddle now -
The
hips now ache, the hands now shake, we've furrows on our brow,
The
boobs they sag - give too much drag and hang low like a cow,
The
stairs we climb take too much time, so it's time to take a bow.
Because
we're Ethel, Edna and Enid and we need to make some time
To
knit some scarves for other halves, get our pensions back on line,
To
read a book and have a fu...lipping great big glass of wine
Without
the thought that we'll get caught and told that it's a crime.
Because
we're Ethel, Edna and Enid and it's time to say goodbye
To
all you lovely crewmates, with a teardrop in our eye -
We'll
miss you all, we've had great fun, two years they have flown by,
We'll
think of you in years to come and pray your boat will fly.
Well
we're getting really weary now so we'll hobble on our way
Before
they realise that we're missing when they set the cocoa tray -
We
need to put our teeth back in before the end of day
And
meet the three old men from number ten for our twice yearly lay.
